It’s still raining in Seattle. No surprise. I dressed a little more warmly today (juice not zap) and find that I am not cranky about the cold. Yes!

In sorting through the nature of my relationships, I’ve found myself contemplating the demise of my marriage (of course) and pondering what it is about me that brought things to this point–without wallowing in some notion that it’s all-about-me, of course.

And I made my list of attributes and qualities of how I relate to others, and saw several things about myself with which I am familiar (ugh).

But it was Ina’s post with the Lunaea Weatherstone tarot card that really made something click for me. It’s these words:

No one blames the queen for being queen, nor does she feel guilty about it. She just IS.

I have such a horrid habit of reducing myself to the least common denominator. Of dumbing down. It’s a residue of childhood, when being smart and being “teacher’s pet” was a bad thing and playing dumb was the way to find acceptance.

And I think that where this leads me is to compromising myself and my possibilities–so that no one will view me as the “teacher’s pet”.

Clearly, this is limiting.