The exercise is to stream-of-consciousness write down my dreams.

The premise is that my un-edited self knows what I truly want.

The goal is to unleash and unfurl.

In case I didn’t get you the memo, speaking up for myself, asking for what I want—not my forte. So, dreaming, really big dreaming—difficult!

Here are my lists. The first was a ten minute “warm-up”. The second, another ten minutes, after the “warm-up” and with the hope to unleash those even bigger (mondo beyondo) dreams.

❦ Drive across the country with an Airstream and blog and write the entire trip
❦ Have dinner parties along the way with locals and local cuisine
❦ Publish a series of best selling books that become an online community
❦ Appear on the cover of Time, 100 most influential people issue
❦ Befriend Oprah and Madonna
❦ Rearrange how people in the U.S. think about sex, love, the erotic
❦ Pervade sex ed in schools
❦ Make waves
❦ Have a home on a warm beach where splendid and charming people come to visit
❦ Have the home I dream of
❦ Pilot a plane across the country
❦ Land a plane on a river
❦ Dress in sparkles every day
❦ Teach girls a new way of “Princess” that is powerful, yet pure girl
❦ Do all this w/o a “real” job
❦ Grow the garden of my dreams
❦ Drive with the top down on the car 80% of the time
❦ Have a party palace
❦ Have a letterpress studio
❦ Have an art studio and share it
❦ Print and bind books of erotic works that are best sellers
❦ Fly on a dragon
❦ Be friends with animals
❦ Travel with a brave companion
❦ Love
❦ Sail in a chain of islands in a warm sea
❦ Bring joy
❦ Have a home in Paris, Provence, Florence, Seattle
❦ Be Alice
❦ Wear pink
❦ Grow roses.

With some duplication and the intention to be completely “outrageous” (more mondo), here’s list two:

❦ I dream of a home by the warm sea, where friends and friends of friends, and even famous people, come to play, learn, love.
❦ I dream of swimming in a warm sea every day and making love under the stars every night.
❦ I dream of living without restrictive fears.
❦ I dream of a partner who brings out the best in me and who helps me evolve beyond my short comings.
❦ I dream of having more self discipline, and of loving myself through and through.
❦ I dream of my home, my studio.
❦ I dream of being a very good friend.
❦ I dream of seeing fairies and pixies and sprites and such, and of communicating with them—learning from and with them.
❦ I dream of being influential on a nationwide scale, and of being comfortable with it.
❦ I dream of having a Good Hair Day every day.
❦ I dream of building my circus, and of being an aerialist in it.
❦ I dream of recovering my memory, and my sense of smell.
❦ I dream of being secure—emotionally, financially—or perhaps it’s just a sense of security.
❦ I dream of having an open heart and an open intuition at all but the inappropriate times.
❦ I dream of always being authentic and loving.
❦ I dream of a mentor of the ilk of my parents or my dear departed friend, Stan.
❦ I dream of remembering my sleeptime dreams.
❦ I dream of having a circus/gypsy wagon.
❦ I dream of being mesmerizing.
❦ I dream of having faith.
❦ I dream of being beauty and love.

And now, on with the unfurling!

It is true that I adore water, it replenishes my body and my soul. I even love the dance of rain upon puddles and ponds and the magic of watching rain in the distance, rain that hasn’t quite arrived to where I am.

But the chill of the rain unnerves me. It zaps my energy and truly rents my spirit.

Sunshine and warmth “juice” my soul. I am almost inexplicably happy when there is warm sunlight on my skin, and the sky is brilliant blue. It is as if I am directly connected to the energy of fire and it is feeding each cell of my being.

A few years back when I realized there were many bonds holding me to Seattle, I made agreements with myself that I would “repay” myself for the toll the rain takes from me, by driving a convertible (with the top down whenever it is not raining) and to take a winter break each year, someplace in the sun (and probably by the sea).

I have my lovely yellow convertible, but I have failed in the winter break department–with no plans this year to take sustenance in the sun. I can feel my soul’s dismay.

Will I be brave enough and true enough to keep my promise to myself?