Posts tagged as:

loss

looking back to move forward

February 25, 2010

I am ready for this pain to leave. I want to stop hating. I want to return to writing here about beauty.
But the hurt continues. I sit and look out the window at the glorious pink of the blooming cherry trees, and tears stream down my face–I am sad and angry and confused. And I [...]

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the end.

January 21, 2010

The divorce was finalized just about 48 hours ago, and the grief is rolling in.
I do not know really, why the marriage ended. The man who was my husband (I am not prepared to use the prefix, “ex”) might be flabbergasted to hear me say that–that I don’t know really why he had to divorce [...]

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but who’s counting?

December 31, 2009

It is 2:38 a.m. and I have been awake now for about an hour, after not quite three hours of sleep. Pretty much normal for me anymore, to sleep a few hours, wake, rustle around, sleep, wake, rustle rustle.
It’s wearing on me.
And I am feeling sad.
There’s this thing that has been happening for awhile. Two [...]

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what would tiger do (differently)?

December 29, 2009

I have certainly sung the woe-is-me tune, wondering how my husband could be off seeking other women so soon after leaving me, and how could he be reunited within weeks with his former sweetheart.
More and more I attribute poor communication as a big factor in the “sudden” demise of my marriage. I am not without [...]

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it’s been three years and seven months

December 7, 2009

Of course the title of my post calls to mind Sinead O’Connor’s song, Nothing Compares 2 U, and while her lyrics are not 100% apropos for my thinking about my own life right now, the poignancy of her song accurately pulls the strings of my heart, on this, the 3 year, 7 month anniversary of [...]

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rotting away

November 23, 2009

My friend Stephanie likes to host a Polidori party now and again. Here’s how she explains it:
Polidori history: A few clever college students at the University of Dallas in the early 90’s decided to host something called “Polidori’s Pumpkin Party,” named for John Polidori in honor of the 1816 gathering of writers at the Villa [...]

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what’s trust got to do with it?

November 20, 2009

Two days ago I learned that within just three weeks of dumping me, my husband was back in the arms of a former lover, a woman with whom he had been serious not long before he and I met. I had known of her and had learned that they had reconnected, but I did not [...]

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old wounds

November 16, 2009

About a week ago I had my waist-length hair cut. The stylist took measurements beforehand, because I wanted to donate to Locks of Love if I could. He measured 30 inches overall, and he cut off 13 inches.
What freedom.
Of course we can construe all kinds of symbolism in my act. I mean, as you might [...]

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loose ends so tangled there’s no tying them up

November 7, 2009

It is a Saturday afternoon and I am at my husband’s house. He is off improving himself, and I am here alone with the chore of sorting through the last of my things here, the aim being to finish up all the loose ends and leave him a house that contains none of me and [...]

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Rude Awakenings

September 1, 2009

I have decided that what is going on is that I am waking from a dream. Maybe several dreams.
This is how I am thinking about it today, and maybe I will think about it differently tomorrow. But for now, I like to view the angst and pain and confusion I am feeling in my life [...]

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