Posts tagged as:

loss

Despair is Invisible

July 10, 2010

I am on my way soon to a memorial for a family member who committed suicide. This is of course a somber occasion, and we all have the challenge of the shadow that suicide casts when it is the cause of death. Suicide is a classic elephant-in-the-living-room, right. An additional dimension to this shadow is [...]

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Something I haven’t saved.

July 6, 2010

In this month’s theme of “saved” and on the eve of the three-year anniversary of my wedding, I am contemplating that thing I was unable to save—my marriage. Tomorrow is July 7, 2010. I was married on 07-07-07—ostensibly a favorably auspicious date—to a man with whom I believed my life was destined to be entwined. [...]

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Keep On Truckin’

May 9, 2010

Having some trouble today keeping faith. Fear. Sorrow. Grief. Emotions and doubts clouding this big-blue-sky morning. The feelings get all jumbled up and it is difficult to rise above the mess. What is what? That twist in my belly, is it fear? The tension in my brow, is it anger? Or, more fear? The hot [...]

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Imagine There Had Been a Different Ending

April 2, 2010

At lunch yesterday my dear friend, Elizabeth, kicked me. She picked up my boulders and shined light on the crawly things beneath them. She held my hand kindly, and used it to slap my face. I treasure a good examination. I am grateful for friends who will say their piece, even if it makes me [...]

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How Does a Garden Grow?

March 31, 2010

Last summer I opened my heart to the garden. I had finally convinced my husband that the sooner plants go into the ground, the sooner they prosper–and he went to work removing a sidewalk and a giant concrete patio from the property–concrete that was covering up areas where we planned to plant a slew of [...]

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looking back to move forward

February 25, 2010

I am ready for this pain to leave. I want to stop hating. I want to return to writing here about beauty. But the hurt continues. I sit and look out the window at the glorious pink of the blooming cherry trees, and tears stream down my face–I am sad and angry and confused. And [...]

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the end.

January 21, 2010

The divorce was finalized just about 48 hours ago, and the grief is rolling in. I do not know really, why the marriage ended. The man who was my husband (I am not prepared to use the prefix, “ex”) might be flabbergasted to hear me say that–that I don’t know really why he had to [...]

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but who’s counting?

December 31, 2009

It is 2:38 a.m. and I have been awake now for about an hour, after not quite three hours of sleep. Pretty much normal for me anymore, to sleep a few hours, wake, rustle around, sleep, wake, rustle rustle. It’s wearing on me. And I am feeling sad. There’s this thing that has been happening [...]

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what would tiger do (differently)?

December 29, 2009

I have certainly sung the woe-is-me tune, wondering how my husband could be off seeking other women so soon after leaving me, and how could he be reunited within weeks with his former sweetheart. More and more I attribute poor communication as a big factor in the “sudden” demise of my marriage. I am not [...]

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it’s been three years and seven months

December 7, 2009

Of course the title of my post calls to mind Sinead O’Connor’s song, Nothing Compares 2 U, and while her lyrics are not 100% apropos for my thinking about my own life right now, the poignancy of her song accurately pulls the strings of my heart, on this, the 3 year, 7 month anniversary of [...]

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