loss

Moving Along

January 21, 2011

The one-year anniversary of my divorce has come and gone, and I almost didn’t notice. That’s a good thing, the almost not noticing. It means that I have traveled a good, long distance from then and am more actually living now. It means that although I would still describe my heart as broken, broken-hearted is [...]

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Not Tonight I Have a Headache

January 17, 2011

Usually there’s not much to be gained by denying or trying to avoid pain. So this Etsy Treasury is about embracing the pain by choosing our own representation of it—pretties to symbolize pain, without actually hurting. And even a little full-on humour.

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Fading with Time

October 28, 2010

It has been more than a year since the demise of my marriage; I am baffled by the strong feelings that remain with me still, after so much time has passed. I still carry a deep sadness, and I wear a thick mantle to shelter my heart. It’s true that with the passage of time [...]

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Obviously I Am Not in Charge

September 20, 2010

Things are not going according to plan. Not that there was much of a plan, but there were some overarching goals. And so far I am far from them. In fact, I just might be falling backwards. One main point of this whole move to the middle of nowhere was to regain my connection to [...]

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Sometimes You Have to Move to See It

September 15, 2010

Last night I woke around 3 a.m.; a tickle in my throat coughed me awake. In my foggy, dreamy state, I looked out the window and thought, “The stars have moved,” what with the constellations being different than when I’d tucked in and all. Of course as I roused myself awake enough to take some [...]

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Despair is Invisible

July 10, 2010

I am on my way soon to a memorial for a family member who committed suicide. This is of course a somber occasion, and we all have the challenge of the shadow that suicide casts when it is the cause of death. Suicide is a classic elephant-in-the-living-room, right. An additional dimension to this shadow is [...]

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Something I haven’t saved.

July 6, 2010

In this month’s theme of “saved” and on the eve of the three-year anniversary of my wedding, I am contemplating that thing I was unable to save—my marriage. Tomorrow is July 7, 2010. I was married on 07-07-07—ostensibly a favorably auspicious date—to a man with whom I believed my life was destined to be entwined. [...]

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Keep On Truckin’

May 9, 2010

Having some trouble today keeping faith. Fear. Sorrow. Grief. Emotions and doubts clouding this big-blue-sky morning. The feelings get all jumbled up and it is difficult to rise above the mess. What is what? That twist in my belly, is it fear? The tension in my brow, is it anger? Or, more fear? The hot [...]

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Imagine There Had Been a Different Ending

April 2, 2010

At lunch yesterday my dear friend, Elizabeth, kicked me. She picked up my boulders and shined light on the crawly things beneath them. She held my hand kindly, and used it to slap my face. I treasure a good examination. I am grateful for friends who will say their piece, even if it makes me [...]

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How Does a Garden Grow?

March 31, 2010

Last summer I opened my heart to the garden. I had finally convinced my husband that the sooner plants go into the ground, the sooner they prosper–and he went to work removing a sidewalk and a giant concrete patio from the property–concrete that was covering up areas where we planned to plant a slew of [...]

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