November 11, 2012

Tonight something prompted me to think about my ex-husband and our marriage, and after a moment I thought, “I am glad we are not together.” This is the first time I can remember when I’ve had that thought in such a clear and unbidden fashion. I mean, I have rationalized that I am better off [...]

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A journey.

March 22, 2012

Two and a half years ago my marriage imploded. Little by little I move toward a new life, a life which once again fits me and incorporates my dreams. Two and a half years ago, I had my dream life. I had found a partner who shared some of my most important dreams, and we [...]

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Moving Along

January 21, 2011

The one-year anniversary of my divorce has come and gone, and I almost didn’t notice. That’s a good thing, the almost not noticing. It means that I have traveled a good, long distance from then and am more actually living now. It means that although I would still describe my heart as broken, broken-hearted is [...]

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Something I haven’t saved.

July 6, 2010

In this month’s theme of “saved” and on the eve of the three-year anniversary of my wedding, I am contemplating that thing I was unable to save—my marriage. Tomorrow is July 7, 2010. I was married on 07-07-07—ostensibly a favorably auspicious date—to a man with whom I believed my life was destined to be entwined. [...]

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February 10, 1960

February 10, 2010

My (ex) husband was born February 10, 1960, which means that today he is 50 years old. I am having very mixed feelings about this day. On the one hand, I find myself all mean about it, gloating in the fact that I am not hosting a small dinner party to mark the occasion. The [...]

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the end.

January 21, 2010

The divorce was finalized just about 48 hours ago, and the grief is rolling in. I do not know really, why the marriage ended. The man who was my husband (I am not prepared to use the prefix, “ex”) might be flabbergasted to hear me say that–that I don’t know really why he had to [...]

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be careful what you say.

January 9, 2010

There was a comment on my blog recently that I hesitated to let be published–thinking it might disturb my brother. I finally chose to mention it to him, and am now making the comment public. The comment was left on this post where I rant and rail about my husband. I know who left it [...]

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what’s trust got to do with it?

November 20, 2009

Two days ago I learned that within just three weeks of dumping me, my husband was back in the arms of a former lover, a woman with whom he had been serious not long before he and I met. I had known of her and had learned that they had reconnected, but I did not [...]

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the rare flying cataclysm

October 18, 2009

I have been struggling with what to write. I find myself in this space where I just do not understand how I got here, and mostly all I can fathom is to blame myself–for not paying attention or something. I find myself adrift. I find myself without a dream to follow. I find myself with [...]

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What’s missing? My husband, Perry Emge

December 13, 2008

Have you ever had a pet, say a cat or dog, and they died, and then for awhile, every time you turned around they were starkly absent? You know, all the familiarity, the things you shared. You’d sit on the couch and expect your friend to come lie beside you. Or, you’d habitually go into [...]

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