change

A walk on the beach

May 25, 2010

Didn’t feel too energized for a walk, so Tiberio swung by and drove us to Golden Gardens, so we could just park and look out at the water. Ended up going for a little stroll anyway, talking about what do we want to be when we grow up. Middle-aged angst; you’ve heard of that, right? [...]

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Serious wtf.

April 11, 2010

Things have been going along pretty swell. I’ve had myself on the he-is-dead plan and on lock-down—no meandering into spaces where my ex might be or may have left a trail. It’s been working okay, and with the new paradigm and regime, my number of melt-downs has diminished to almost nil. Nice. I have been [...]

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The Old Days – theSeattleBlog.com

April 10, 2010

I did it! In a moment of “what the hell” I moved my blog posts from my first blog over here to Ordinary Beauty, which is (and has been for awhile) my main blog. This required making two moves on my server which can mysteriously fail and cause things to implode, so I am giving [...]

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Dreaming. On a Mondo Scale.

April 6, 2010

The exercise is to stream-of-consciousness write down my dreams. The premise is that my un-edited self knows what I truly want. The goal is to unleash and unfurl. In case I didn’t get you the memo, speaking up for myself, asking for what I want—not my forte. So, dreaming, really big dreaming—difficult! Here are my [...]

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Imagine There Had Been a Different Ending

April 2, 2010

At lunch yesterday my dear friend, Elizabeth, kicked me. She picked up my boulders and shined light on the crawly things beneath them. She held my hand kindly, and used it to slap my face. I treasure a good examination. I am grateful for friends who will say their piece, even if it makes me [...]

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still drowning

March 17, 2010

I could fill a bathtub with my tears. I am not proud of this, and I do not understand why the tears are still flowing. It has been more than six months since the split. The divorce is legally final. I have no husband; I now have an “ex”. I should be beyond this pain. [...]

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looking back to move forward

February 25, 2010

I am ready for this pain to leave. I want to stop hating. I want to return to writing here about beauty. But the hurt continues. I sit and look out the window at the glorious pink of the blooming cherry trees, and tears stream down my face–I am sad and angry and confused. And [...]

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School is still in session

February 20, 2010

This morning I am thinking that so long as I still feel this depth of pain at the demise of my marriage, and so long as I continue to hate on my (ex) husband, there is probably a whole lot left for me to learn from my marriage and its failure.

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did we stand in our own way?

February 2, 2010

I went to my ex-husband’s house tonight to retrieve a garment that I need on Saturday. He wasn’t home; he has been quite generous with coordinating our schedules so that I could be there alone (which is hard enough) and not have to interact with him in person. Anyway. I needed my catsuit to wear [...]

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the end.

January 21, 2010

The divorce was finalized just about 48 hours ago, and the grief is rolling in. I do not know really, why the marriage ended. The man who was my husband (I am not prepared to use the prefix, “ex”) might be flabbergasted to hear me say that–that I don’t know really why he had to [...]

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