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change

looking back to move forward

February 25, 2010

I am ready for this pain to leave. I want to stop hating. I want to return to writing here about beauty.
But the hurt continues. I sit and look out the window at the glorious pink of the blooming cherry trees, and tears stream down my face–I am sad and angry and confused. And I [...]

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School is still in session

February 20, 2010

This morning I am thinking that so long as I still feel this depth of pain at the demise of my marriage, and so long as I continue to hate on my (ex) husband, there is probably a whole lot left for me to learn from my marriage and its failure.

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did we stand in our own way?

February 2, 2010

I went to my ex-husband’s house tonight to retrieve a garment that I need on Saturday. He wasn’t home; he has been quite generous with coordinating our schedules so that I could be there alone (which is hard enough) and not have to interact with him in person.
Anyway. I needed my catsuit to wear for [...]

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the end.

January 21, 2010

The divorce was finalized just about 48 hours ago, and the grief is rolling in.
I do not know really, why the marriage ended. The man who was my husband (I am not prepared to use the prefix, “ex”) might be flabbergasted to hear me say that–that I don’t know really why he had to divorce [...]

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keeping accounts

January 7, 2010

In June, 2008, I “retired”, upon my husband’s prompting. This retirement was a culmination of his (and my) desire to spend more time together and do more things together–combined with his assertions since the initial days of our commitment, when he said he would and could provide all the money the two of us needed. [...]

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but who’s counting?

December 31, 2009

It is 2:38 a.m. and I have been awake now for about an hour, after not quite three hours of sleep. Pretty much normal for me anymore, to sleep a few hours, wake, rustle around, sleep, wake, rustle rustle.
It’s wearing on me.
And I am feeling sad.
There’s this thing that has been happening for awhile. Two [...]

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puddle. of. bliss.

December 19, 2009
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a new Xmas

December 12, 2009

I am medium about Christmas. I don’t do the Christ child thing–never have really. But there are people with whom I have spent dozens of Christmas holidays, and we have a trove of traditions between us, and in that regard, I do enjoy this season.
My husband does not “do” Christmas. He has some poignant stories [...]

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letting go, of stuff that’s not even mine

December 11, 2009

So I am in the midst of “brokering” a couple of transactions, having to do with one friend or another having something they want to be rid of, and another friend (or another), needing that something. I am sending emails back and forth and back and forth with questions and details.
And I am doing these [...]

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ouch! I think I just bit my tongue

December 8, 2009

For awhile now I have been thinking about sending an email to this certain someone and expressing some of my concerns. But I can’t seem to get myself sorted out: am I doing this for her, or am I doing it for me? Am I really concerned about her well-being, or am I just serving [...]

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