authentic

Me First

November 19, 2013

I had an MRI. The results arrived today: Normal. Nada. Nothing unusual shows up in my head, to explain the troubles I’ve been having with my cognition. Back in April I started in earnest to try to get beneath this addled, foggy functioning of mine. After a few years of exploring this and that, I [...]

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Finding the Stuff of Wings

July 23, 2012

Early this spring, just after the swallows and western bluebirds started returning, I got busy cleaning out and repairing our birdhouses, making ready for nesting season. This hadn’t been done for many years, if ever, and I don’t know a lot about bird life, but what I’d read recommended an annual clean-out … Additionally, there [...]

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A journey.

March 22, 2012

Two and a half years ago my marriage imploded. Little by little I move toward a new life, a life which once again fits me and incorporates my dreams. Two and a half years ago, I had my dream life. I had found a partner who shared some of my most important dreams, and we [...]

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Alone.

November 25, 2011

  “How to Survive the Holidays” “Alone for the Holidays” “Tips for Singles for the Christmas Season”   Who writes these things, anyway? Psychologists? Suicide-prevention specialists? Grief counselors? I’m pretty sure that the authors of these dismal checklists do not spend these onerous winter days alone. I know they mean well. But really? “Call a [...]

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Maybe There is a Good Reason They Died Young

April 27, 2011

I am beginning to wonder if my mother and her mother weren’t spot-on when they died young. Both of them died in their fifties, and I have always thought they died too early. I’ve always thought that living only 50-some years is a short life. But now that I am here myself—54 years old—I can [...]

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Thanks. No really, I mean it.

November 25, 2010

So often these days I feel like my life is one big trudge uphill, with little breaks now and then during which I bang my head against a stone wall. Daily life sucks up hours for chores, just for maintenance of daily life. And it seems like every other thing I go to do, well, [...]

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Fading with Time

October 28, 2010

It has been more than a year since the demise of my marriage; I am baffled by the strong feelings that remain with me still, after so much time has passed. I still carry a deep sadness, and I wear a thick mantle to shelter my heart. It’s true that with the passage of time [...]

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Despair is Invisible

July 10, 2010

I am on my way soon to a memorial for a family member who committed suicide. This is of course a somber occasion, and we all have the challenge of the shadow that suicide casts when it is the cause of death. Suicide is a classic elephant-in-the-living-room, right. An additional dimension to this shadow is [...]

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By a Thread

June 30, 2010

I’ve just lived the worst two or three months of my life. I believe I am on a good track of improvement, but some days still I’m not so sure. It wasn’t the flu, although it felt quite like it. Intense, immense body ache, foggy brain, and constant need for a nap. Soooo tired. Of [...]

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Caught in Gramma’s Notions

April 27, 2010

A name arrived this morning for my piece at SEAF: Caught in Gramma’s Notions. This is the piece that started out as a “wall treatment” and which has evolved to be an “installation.” And yes, I am excited about that. This has been the convergence of several threads, including friendships and smaller projects in the [...]

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