21st century, rules change, rules stay the same

April 14, 2010


A few things to cover today. Succinctly, sex, sex, sex.

∞ First up, dating and sex and the infernal question, “Who Pays?”. As in, we are on a first date, who pays? And the question is answered with humour and insight by Single Ape. I especially like how he says

When you ask someone out, you’re inviting them into your world for a bit. It helps your case about a million-fold if your world is generous to them.

Of course Single Ape is addressing things from the perspective of a man asking out a woman, and the implicit agenda that the man wants to get laid. But I think the advice holds across circumstances and situations–boys, girls, courtship, companionship. Single Ape helps you sort out who picks up the check and why.

∞ Next, sex and happiness. Pfizer to our rescue. Because their recent survey found

that 57 percent of men and 64 percent of women were not satisfied with their sex lives. . . . the research also found that sexual dissatisfaction is primarily related to erectile dysfunction (ED) . . .

As reported by Jessica O’Reilly for Carnal Nation

And of course the Pfizer little blue pill is the answer.

This is so American. First, that so many people would be so mired in unhappy or unsatisfying circumstances. Secondly, that an isolated element of sex–in particular, an erection–would be blamed. And third, that a big corporation would be doing the “research” to reveal a problem for which they happen to have a solution.

Come on people. Really? First off, sex is sooooo much more than penetration with a penis. And lastly, sex is sooooo much more than penetration with a penis.

∞ And for my third topic, and further to all of the above. I have been thinking a lot about how we would have fewer problems to solve if we had more tolerance and appreciation for each other.

You know, the thing about how we can’t really know what someone else is going through, until we walk in their shoes. And, “don’t knock it until you’ve tired it.” And, “one man’s poison is another man’s meat.” Or however that last one goes.

The gist being that people in our society waste a lot of time and effort criticizing other people—instead of just, oh, I don’t know, maybe reaching out and lending a hand instead? Or, celebrating each other, and the fact that we’ve managed to get this far; let’s see how much further we can get if we build each other up instead of tear each other down.

I don’t mean to rant, here. I am seriously thinking about how to enable this kind of shift.

There’s this group on Facebook that is called “Correct Spelling, Punctuation and Apostrophe Use.” Now believe me, I am hyper sensitive to all three of those things (although I lean to the use of serial commas). But I also believe that to judge a person based on their ability to handle spelling, punctuation, or apostrophes, well, it’s as if you are judging me based upon my in-ability to sing, do card tricks, or surf.


So what does this have to do with sex? Oh yeah, right.

Well, the above-mentioned Facebook group recently posted a photo of a love note that some guy had written for his sweetie. And the note was full of spelling and punctuation errors. So the group lambasted him.

Really? People!

Let’s take this as an opportunity to say something like, “Dude. You can’t spell for beans, but a love note! Marvelous idea. Think I’ll go write one myself, thanks for the reminder.” And spin someone’s “faults” into a deed that makes the world a better place.

And the sex in that?

Setting aside that a love note is one of my favorite forms of foreplay, here’s the sex. Sex is made of many things. Sex is different things for different people. Don’t judge. Keep trying. Mix it up. Relish what works. And, talk about it.

And in that vein, let me present an opportunity for all of you in the Seattle vicinity to set aside pre-conceptions, walk your edges, and try something new that is often viewed as “bad” (but is also often viewed as way too much fun).

Go spend a weekend learning how to tie up people. Wrap them up in rope, tie knots, and confine them. Max’s two-day bondage intensive. Registration closes soon.

I know you geeky scout boys are salivating at the notion.

Photo: by Alicia and used with Creative Commons license.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

eileen April 14, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Brava! Good writing and thoughts! and Max is hella’ good! ;) E

ultra April 14, 2010 at 3:06 pm

excellent blog…myself, i think i’ll sit out the sexual athletics for a while…most of my sex happens above my neck and above my neck just isn’t in the mood for the kind of sex that people think of when they think of sex…besides, i’m dating my hand just now…and i wouldn’t want to cheat…

Leila April 15, 2010 at 8:25 am

Oh ultra, I agree, and you make me laugh :)

Leila April 15, 2010 at 8:25 am

Eileen, Max might be the nicest meanie that I know!

Leave a Comment