I went to my ex-husband’s house tonight to retrieve a garment that I need on Saturday. He wasn’t home; he has been quite generous with coordinating our schedules so that I could be there alone (which is hard enough) and not have to interact with him in person.
Anyway. I needed my catsuit to wear for a performance at the Go Back To Bed party and I thought it was there in his house somewhere with my dregs that I haven’t completely dealt with yet.
So I am there at his house, and it is impossible to not notice the changes. I have written before about the trapeze. And there’s the big new computer. And an entire wardrobe revision. And the calendar on the wall marked with the classes he is taking.
Why did all that have to wait until I was gone?
I mean, really. Because we can look at me, too.
Since the break up I have written my novel (yes, first rough draft, yet still). I have built a cozy little nest that suits me. I am taking classes every week or more. I have lost almost twenty pounds, and tomorrow I start a course of Pilates. I started Little Black Dress Project. And I have discovered a ton of things about myself that had previously escaped my attention or understanding.
Why did all that have to wait until the marriage disintegrated?
I really do not understand.
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I have tried to make sense of it all too. Tried not to feel hurt that he now keeps the house tidy and has rearranged everything so it is as if I never lived there.
Why do we change once we are separate? Because we have become so ingrained in our ways together as a couple that we need to actively accentuate our new independence.
Take advantage of this. Rescue the you that you once were and pull her from the wreckage. She has acquired a few new skills along the way, as well as a few bruises but, underneath it all, she is the you who was crying out for freedom when you were so unhappy within your marriage.
I can empathise totally with my own yoga and pilates classes and new business plans :)