Red flags should be honored and respected; they are gifts.
Red flags. We know what they are, those nagging notions that arrive unbidden, often as we embark on a new relationship, but at other times, too. Warnings, if you will, that arise and whisper to us, and which we often squelch one way or another.
You know how it goes. New friend seems nice, sweet, endearing, even enchanting, except for …
Except for the way they can’t seem to respond to your messages. Except for the way they seem to talk down to the wait staff. Except for the way they always take their phone calls out of your earshot. Except for the way they always show up for 3:00 meetings with alcohol on their breath. Except for the way they remind you of your scuzzy Uncle.
Except for the way they __________ . You know how it goes; you fill in the blank.
Aside from that, though, they are nice enough. Sexy maybe. Perhaps intelligent and charming and witty. Attractive. So, red flag gets ignored, perhaps rationalized.
However, and importantly, red flags are generally Truths, with valuable messages to us, sometimes from “the universe” and often from our own heart of hearts. They are gifts, albeit uncomfortable ones, but gifts nevertheless.
And here’s the thing–if we are dismissing a red flag, the valuable work is in exploring WHY we must dismiss this flag? The Truth that the flag carries, why must we ignore it? Or, what do we “need” from this other person so badly that we veto a Truth?
What I am saying, is next time a red flag pops up, rather than hide it, hoist it high. And look at it from all sides, all angles. It is revealing a Truth about ourselves as much as it is signaling a Truth about someone else.
“Why am I drawn to this person who mistreats the waitstaff?” “Why am I continuing to see this person who obviously drinks a lot?” “Why am I drawn to scuzzy Uncle’s doppelgänger?”
This is the gift. A chance to examine this red flag Truth at the outset of things, and take our lessons now–rather than months or years from now. Take our medicine, and (if we are wise and fortunate) be done with it.
(of course, wising up and returning to examine a shunted flag is also endorsed)
Photo by Litchi and used with Creative Commons license
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
There’s much to think about here. Great post- and I’m thrilled you could use one of my photos for it. : )