Big dreams last night. In one, I was in a large body of murky water and saw a dark shape below me, which I realized was a dog. Then there were two. And then, there was an entire pack of large, black dogs swimming all about me.
Although I am fond of dogs, especially large ones, I felt fearful–anticipating that at any moment one or more of these dark, powerful creatures would take unkindly toward me, attack even. I felt that I did not know what I might do that might set them off, and my anxiety overrode all joy that I might have taken from being there swimming among the grace and love of these beings. That grace and love was something I could see only after leaving the dream and looking back upon it.
In my waking hours I have been focused on certain recurring themes. Fear. Detachment. Compassion.
I have been reading and listening to words of wisdom from several sources. Common threads of encouragement emerge: Embrace fear (and pain) and explore what is there. Practice detachment with love. Breathe compassion, for others and self.
The Black Dogs in the dream reminded me of some of Michael Meade’s wise words. He tells a story, a creation myth, of a woman weaving the world, and her black dog who, when she leaves the loom to stir her cauldron, unravels her weaving. The two of them repeat this again and again.
My notes from Meade’s telling of the story are simple, but apt for me these days. “the black dog is giving us an opportunity.”
In the weaving, patterns are made, and in the unraveling, is the chance to re-weave, without the old patterns. Meade encourages the view of “trouble” as a chance for meeting the authentic self. He says
People “find themselves” when in some kind of trouble. What troubles us always seems bigger than we are, it grabs hold of us and we find ourselves being pulled deeper and deeper into it. That’s the point of trouble: to get us into deeper waters than we might choose on our own. People have problems and can even handle them, but people “find themselves” when in the midst of what truly troubles them.
Real trouble has purpose hidden in it; that’s why it’s so troubling to us. Typically, serious trouble must develop for us to recall what is most important to us. For what truly troubles us would also change us. Trouble wants us to face up to it; to turn and face what we came here to learn about. The right trouble draws on all our resources, making us more resourceful and more aware of capacities we didn’t know were there. The right trouble can make us more resilient, more creative, and less troubled in general. Those who would avoid trouble at all costs simply wind up in the wrong trouble. In the end everyone gets into some kind of trouble, but wisdom depends on being in the right trouble. Being wise doesn’t keep us completely out of trouble, but leads us to finding the right trouble to be in. That’s a message from the black dog: find the right trouble and learn from it who you already are.
(from The World Behind the World)
I am happy to now think of the pack of dogs in my dream as my escorts, my guard as it were, as I continue grappling with my troubles and unraveling my self in a quest for something that better suits me.
Photo by Phil Romans and used with Creative Commons licensing
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