I find myself in an odd state. And it’s probably my own damn fault, but I am just not sure how it came about.
I have never been a real social creature. I don’t have an abhorrence of all things social; it’s just not a realm in which I have ever excelled. I am inclined to shy; my parents were not particularly social so I had no firsthand model of how to do it, and we moved on average once a year when I was a child so I did not accumulate friends just by virtue of having spent a lot of time together.
Over the years things improved–I made a concerted effort to be a more charming person and find ways to be comfortable with folks I didn’t know. But I was never someone who would be on an A-list for always bringing liveliness to a party.
A few years ago though, things changed. I found myself with a plethora of invitations, frequently trying to juggle a multitude of events in one evening. This started about six years ago, and I am not sure what the catalyst was. No more than I grok where all those invitations have now gone.
There is nada in my inbox, and I think there’ve been a sum total of five invites this summer, if we count the three birthday parties for young nephews.
Which, okay, I can live with that. But I am just a little puzzled by the extent to which invitations that I have offered have gone completely unanswered–a LOT. Nothing personal, I’m sure.
Well, actually I am not sure it’s not personal. How could I know?
I try to attend everything that my friends are a part of–performances and galleries and such. And, it’s not like I don’t host parties myself. Granted, only one large party and a few small ones in the last six months, but …
The whole Facebook and Twitter thing doesn’t help any with feeling okay about my social life drying up because it makes it so obvious what other people are up to, replete with photos and status updates. I mean, I am happy that the people in my life are having a great time. It’s just that during this social dry spell it is difficult to see them smiling without me, somewhere where I was not.
Photo by Tracy Hunter and used with Creative Commons licensing.
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I didn’t write this as a pity party nor to make people feel bad. I do feel a little badly, but I am genuinely baffled by this big change.