Water. Drowning in gratitude.

November 14, 2008

If you’ve been following along, you know that this month I am doing two things online, a daily blog post, and working with The Next Chapter group through the book, “Soul Coaching“.

It’s a great adventure, even though right now it feels like hell.

Today’s Soul Coaching focus is Gratitude. This is an area where I usually excel, if such can be measured. I am generally grateful for so much–the little and the large.

But today, it is very difficult to dig into my soul and feel grateful. Yeah, the basics remain: gratitude for warmth and food and this groovy laptop computer. But right now, listing those as things for which I am grateful seems superficial and rote. Does not ring true.

Yesterday was such a beautiful day full of color and light and self-reflection (and I am grateful to have been in it), but I emerged with the clarity that I am not done with my marriage–which obviously is a problematic perspective since my husband says he is done.

So I sit here committed to the exercises that are in Soul Coaching, which today encourages us to “From the moment you read this until you go to sleep, focus on what is good in every moment. Think about what you are thankful for in every situation. . .”

And then, ” . . . make a list of the things that you are not grateful for. Now take each one of these and try to find a way that you could be grateful for it. For example, you might write, ‘I am not grateful for my divorce.’”

But gosh, right now, I really am not grateful for my (future) divorce.

So, in contrast, listing gratitude for warmth, and food, and coffee, and good friends (all true) seems somehow minor and mundane. Sorry.

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Lisa November 14, 2008 at 10:55 am

It sounds like there is a mismatch between your true authentic self and feelings and the Soul Coaching book today. Thanks for being honest about that – I have those days with the book and I appreciate knowing I’m not alone.
Some things just do stink sometimes. Good for you for honoring your truth.

Sacred Suzie November 14, 2008 at 11:13 am

Nothing is minor and mundane. You’re working on root chakra issues right now. You’re life is about the basics of life and survival. When we can’t evolve, it’s hard to feel grateful. But by doing so, hopefully we will make it to the next level. Apology is unnecessary. You are where you are. That’s OK.

Dawn November 14, 2008 at 11:56 am

No apologies! Of course you can’t be grateful for your divorce. You are still in the middle of processing all that is occurring in you life and for now, that is really all you can do and that is enough. It does seem when things are so magnified in your life that the simple things feel mundane. It is those simple things that really help to anchor us in times of crisis and change. I hope that you can find some place of peace so you can rest and regroup. Peace and Blessing to you!
~Dawn

peppylady November 14, 2008 at 1:31 pm

I think they’re days we sure aren’t grateful in our life.
I was like that last Wednesday. Just in a pissy mood.

Coffee is on.

Genie Sea November 14, 2008 at 3:19 pm

Sometimes a good cup of coffee and a friendly shoulder are enough to be grateful for. When in times of deep pain, like you are experiencing, like many of us have experienced, it is hard to keep our heads above water. We feel like drowning. Like the dark clouds are obscuring our hearts and vision. It is okay. Take it one step at a time. One breath at a time. We are all here for you.

aurora fox November 14, 2008 at 4:10 pm

well the first step in the grief process is disbelief and shock–I certainly went through that stage when my life partner of 14 years told me he was involved with a much younger (21 years younger—it is like he is living the standard late midlife crisis cliche–he turns 69! and 2 of of his close men friends die and so he dumps me for the younger woman…) women “friend” of mine and wanted me to move out (it was his house). In fact I tried for several months to persuade him that he had made a huge mistake—until my friends and therapist both told me to let go. I’m still working on that…but at least I am no longer in denial….and some days I am even grateful to be out of it….I am grateful for this forum and the folks in this group and all my supportive women friends….just breathe and live one day at a time.

pen* November 14, 2008 at 4:22 pm

it must be difficult to find something to be grateful for amidst such monumental trauma in your life at the moment. that’s understandable. be gentle with yourself. and, for what it’s worth, i think you’re pretty amazing for just ‘showing up’ here through such tough times.

Maree November 14, 2008 at 5:39 pm

I think it is okay to sit with things sometimes. You WILL find the gratitude in this experience, but it doesn’t have to be now. Many hugs for you. xxx

Fatma November 14, 2008 at 5:53 pm

Just breath and sit with it. The night is darkest just before dawn.

Thank you for sharing with us. We are absolutely here for you.

Jamie November 14, 2008 at 6:08 pm

I’m grateful for your truth. Thank you for sharing it.

Leila November 14, 2008 at 7:47 pm

Thank you all for your words of wisdom and encouragement.

Things here do seem mighty dark. But your rays of light manage to find their way through, and I catch their warmth and twinkle.

leah November 14, 2008 at 9:08 pm

thank you for sharing your truth. that can be so hard! and i agree, in the thick of things it can be so hard to find the part that you’re grateful for. it’s often not until we have some distance that we find the blessing in it all. (((hugs)))

Nicole November 15, 2008 at 5:30 am

Mundane and minor may be just what you need at this moment while you go through such a challenging time in your life. Thank you for being open and honest. Sending you many blessings to help you in your journey. Nicole x

pam December 6, 2008 at 6:47 pm

Sorry but blank the truth. Its where you are right now. And for you thats a hugh leap. You are reaching out and thats A wonderful ability for you to do with all Love

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