Wedding invitations

June 24, 2007

I suppose I have spent more time on our invitations than on anything else for this wedding. I don’t want to count the hours of thought and effort.

My first wedding, I dunno know what I was thinking, the breadth and quantity of people I invited. I was young and socially inept.

Now, I am old, and still somewhat inept. And my venue has its limitations, so I have–for months–been grappling with the disparity between the numbers of people I love, and the number of people the venue will comfortably hold.

We started with listing all the many folks whose company we enjoy and whose blessings we would cherish. Of course, we added certain “obligatory” names to the list; who could believe we hadn’t. But here’s the thing about the Obligations–I don’t feel ambivalent about any of their invitations, those people belong at my wedding.
The total number of names … damn. It was a big number. Much larger than our venue– OR, our introverted natures–would tolerate. So we cut things down to just family, and those dearest of friends (you know, those friends who would donate one of their lungs to you, without question). That number was still huge (uh, over eighty names).

And pretty much I’ve been losing sleep over it ever since.

So, if you thought you would be receiving an invitation in the mail, and you did not–please know that the lack is not because you don’t shine in my eyes. The lack is my lack.

Perry and I decided this weekend, that if three weeks from now, after the wedding, hindsight reveals some “we should-uvs” and we have regrets about things or people we did not include in our wedding, well, we’ll just have another one. Refresh our vows and all, and have another party while we’re at it.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Lara June 29, 2007 at 8:20 am

I’ve been there, honey. It’s not a easy thing. We limited the number of people at our ceremony to 20 because that’s the number who could fit around one table at the little chic-chic restaurant we wanted for our wedding meal. We even had the audacity to ask a couple guests NOT to bring their boy du jour as a date.

What we referred to as a “damage control email” went out to no fewer than 35 friends of the lung-donating variety. It broke our hearts to have to write it. The day of the event, it did feel like some people were missing, so each person who was there took on the role in my mind of representing a larger community – one woman represented my group of women from college, one guy represented Dan’s old buddies; two couples represented our entire urban tribe, the Space Virgins.

If you’re feeling a social obligation to some people just remember that this union is happening later in life and that the ceremony is about you and Perry and who you’d like to bear witness to your vows. It is inappropriate for someone to impose themselves selfishly by expecting an invitation.

You & Perry, just as Dan & I, are so blessed with the number of people in our lives we can call on as friends. Many people wanted to celebrate with us. Our solution: a Masquerade Ball for 400 later that spring. We saved on the largest expense of a party of that size (the alcohol) by providing a cash bar benefiting a non-profit.

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